The Old Hack

Remember that ubiquitous advertising slogan about mobile telephones?  It seems like years ago since I first saw it.  Come to think of it is years since I first saw it.  It had never really bothered me until recently.  Then I tried to get internet access from our rented home in France.....

Here it seems you can have any telephone provider you like - so long as it is Orange.  Let me explain.  Like me, you may have thought that the telephone provider for France was France Telecom.  Well it is.  Confused?  So was I.  Apparently some time ago, the internet provider Wanadoo took over France Telecom.  Then along came Orange and took over Wanadoo.  So France Telecom is now Orange - or so you might think.  The telephone line here is owned by the landlord, and is provided by France Telecom (alias Orange).  It was therefore impossible for me to organise a broadband internet connection , as I am the tenant of the house and therefore not the owner of the telephone line.  So far so good.

I contacted Orange to arrange dial up connection in my name with the account send directly to me.  I obtained the necessary log in and password and connected to the internet via a dial up modem from my landlord's telephone line.  The deal was to access the internet at any time for a fixed fee.  And so I did - though with sporadic success and an unbelievably slow connection which never allowed me time to post a blog before timing out!

Then I got a frantic call from my landlord (luckily we get on well) who had received a telephone demand from France Telecom for 150 Euros (over £100) for a month's telephone usage.

It seems that each time I had connected to the internet, France Telecom had added a call charge in addition to the standing charge required by Orange.

I telephoned the Orange helpline indignantly demanding that they refund the extra phone charges as I was paying a fixed fee to them. "No." they patiently explained, "You are paying the telephone charges to France Telecom" 

" But  you are (expletive deleted) France Telecom" I exploded.  "Oh no we're not " (I paraphrase) ...  Long and very complex explanations later I am told that should I wish to bypass France Telecom and deal exclusively with Orange, they will give me dial up access at any time of day or night for a fixed fee of 20 Euros and with no charge for calls from France Telecom (Just exactly how the original deal without the free phone calls cost more I have absolutely no clue!) A couple of weeks of this new deal cost me less financially, but even more in exasperation, as connectivity was even more sporadic than previously.

During my stay here in France I have come to know a local computer 'doctor' who is very helpful.  I explained my dilemma to him, and between us and the landlord we persuaded Orange and France Telecom (actually it was just Orange because now miraculously they seemed to be working in tandem) that I should be allowed a Broadband contract even though I am not the owner of the France Telecom line to the house.

So - If you are a regular visitor to these pages - that is why I have been out of touch for such a long time, and why I am now happily back in business.  The future's bright - the future's (what colour was that again?)

It's a wonderful thing, the power of persuasion.  Yes, we have no bananas - well not in this bottle of wine, anyway.  Before you close the page, thinking the Old Hack has finally lost it, let me explain...

Yesterday being the second Thursday of November, the new season's Beaujolais was officially released amid much celebration which, of course, included the imbibing of the new wine.  It's been a very cold week here in the middle of France, and the idea of spending some time in our local bar sampling the fruit of the vine held much appeal for Mrs Old Hack and I.

We set off in our warmest coats to join in the fun.  A complimentary plate of various foodstuffs, including pate, saucisson sec, grapes and walnuts was placed before us as we opened our bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau.

All very well, I hear you say, but what has this to do with "Yes, we have no bananas?"  Bear with me, we will get there.

When we arrived at the bar - around seven thirty in the evening - we were virtually alone.  We made small talk with the bar owner, admired his skill at cracking walnuts with his hands (not having any nutcrackers available) and requested some Edith Piaf on the stereo.

About seven eighths of the way through our bottle, two young couples came into the bar and after an introductory chat challenged us to a game of darts (unusually popular in this part of France).

We replenished our glasses, discussed the fruitiness and   character of the wine and were ready to move the conversation on when mine host, who had just poured his first glass of the wine proclaimed loudly "Banane!" (Banana!) He explained that each year's new vintage has the aroma of a different fruit, and this year it was banana.  We opened a fresh bottle, swilled it round our mouths very carefully, sniffed the glass.  "Yes!" pronounced a customer. "He's right.  It's banana!"

An excited flurry of activity ensued as one after another, customers agreed that the surprise of the 2007 Beaujolais was its unusual banana nose, and each new imbiber was invited to taste and smell the banana.

I turned on the news on the television this-morning over breakfast.  The president of the Beajolais growers society pronounced that this year's wine was one of the best he had known for many years.  "The raspberry bouquet is especially prominent", he added.  Yes.  We have no bananas!

Last week, civil servants in France held a day of industrial action in protest at Sarkozy's budget plans for 2008, which include a cut in the number of civil servants in France.  Here about 25 percent of the population is employed either by the state, local government or other state-controlled enterprise (such as SNCF, the French railways).

Cynical friends, both English and French, who know the country far better than I, say that is how things happen here.  A government threatens action which will be detrimental to public servants.  Public servants take industrial action.  Government capitulates.  It's more a way of life than a political gesture, and a quarter of the population get an extra day off work.

I couldn't help thinking about the postal strikes in England just before we left.  Everyone was worried about the mail being a few days late and the country being brought to its knees.  Here people just carried on as normal.  The mail will arrive soon enough, and if the trains aren't running well we'll just have to delay our journey by a day or two.

I can't say I agree with unions holding the government to ransom willy nilly, but the whole public attitude is very refreshing indeed!

Yesterday was a milestone for The Old Hack.  How was it celebrated?  In the usual fashion, really.  After breakfast I fancied a smoke, went outside and did not have a cigarette.  A milestone?  Well yes, actually.

A year ago I finished breakfast and had my usual cigarette.  I felt unusually short of breath.  The odd smoker's cough I could tolerate, but this was different.  And my body ached all over.  I put out the cigarette before I had finished it, and went to work in my office in North West London.

As the day went on, I felt progressively worse, didn't smoke my usual hourly cigarettes and took myself home at lunchtime.  I spent the rest of the day in bed, feeling dreadful, not eating and feeling like this was the worst dose of flu I had ever had.  At some stage in the late evening, I must have fallen asleep.

I woke at 3am, seemingly unable to breathe and with a dreadful pain in the left side of my chest.  I woke Mrs Old Hack, who had the good sense to get me to the local Accident and Emergency hospital with a minimum of delay.  I spent the following nine days in a hospital bed - though I am only really aware of the last four of those.  It seems I had contracted Legionnaire's Disease while on a short break in the South of France the week before.

I made a vow from my hospital bed, even before my condition was diagnosed, that I would not smoke any more.  And I have kept that vow for the past year.

The air that I breathe is generally sweeter these days, though I can't be too sure as I don't have much sense of smell (nothing to do with smoking, oddly enough).  On days when I can smell, cigarette smoke is quite revolting.

So why, after a whole year and now thankfully fully recovered from my illness, do I still yearn for a cigarette almost every day?  I understand that the addictive chemical, nicotine, is expunged from the body after just a couple of weeks.  I guess the brain is a more complex organ than any of us can fully understand - and mine is really angry with me for giving up smoking after   more than forty years!  Thankfully Mrs Old Hack, who has never smoked herself, is delighted.

I don't recommend Legionnaire's Disease as a means of quitting smoking.  I do, however vouch that the air that I breathe is healthier, cleaner and much, much cheaper than before.

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Yesterday, All Saints Day, was a public holiday in France.  Mrs Old Hack and I took full advantage of a wonderfully sunny day to acquaint ourselves more with our new home town of Montmorillon.  Setting out from our rented house in the cité des écrits in the mediaeval quarter, we walked down the steep winding hill to the town square, across the river Vienne, admiring the blend of 16th Century charm and modern amenities which this town has managed so well.

We window shopped, talked about all manner of things, said 'hello' to the many strangers who had come to visit the historic part of the town for the day and finally, before ascending the steep hill home, stopped off at a rather quaint 'salon de thé' run by one of the English residents of the town, for an English cream tea.

This would have been one of the most 'English' days we have spent in France, but for one important factor.  As we finished our cream tea, we watched the sun setting over the river Vienne - at about a quarter past five.  An hour after darkness fell upon the United Kingdom.

This 'Twilight Zone' has been much discussed in both the British and French press, with the French incredulous as to why the British should insist on maintaining the one hour time difference and thus compromising European trading and the British press wondering why government refuses to acknowledge the wishes of the majority of the people by extending an extra hour's daylight and thus potentially saving lives each year.

Anatole Kaletsky, in Thursday's 'Times', argues the reason for non action by the British government is a fear of losing support from Scotland, where it is feared that darker mornings will prove more dangerous than darker evenings.  It has taken a tory - Tim Yeo - to try once again to put the matter of a Central European time zone on the agenda, but parliamentary time for a bill has been denied by government.

It would be good to think that such an obvious change as bringing British time into line with the rest of Europe was not a partisan issue.  Sadly that does not seem to be the British way.  It will take pressure from opposition parties and public opinion to make this timorous government decide that it was a Labour initiative all along, and to do what has been the public will for many, many years.

In the meantime, I will continue selfishly to enjoy the extra daylight our recent move has given me, and leave my fellow Brits still in the home country to continue to enjoy their Twilight Zone until action is finally taken.