The Old Hack

I was struck today by an item in the news concerning the proposed introduction of careers advisers to schoolchildren as young as seven years of age.  I’m all for career-based learning and certainly as far as the Old Hack is concerned, a little career advice of any sort would have been welcomed in my early teens, before I discovered rock music, sex and alcohol.  I may have made more of my life – who knows – though I have few regrets about the varied path my working life has taken over the years.

 Seven, however, seems a little early.  It got me thinking about what career advice and work-based training may lead to in our schools of the future.  Come with me, if you will, on a little journey to a school (Let’s call it Paddington Road Junior).  The year is 2019 and the head is entertaining the new Education/Business Secretary and his entourage on a tour of various classes…..

 “Yes, Lord Milliband.  This is our biggest class, though we do try hard to keep the numbers of pupils down to double figures as best we can.”    

 “What class is it?  This is train driving stage one.”

 “Mind your footing here in the dark sir.”

  “Why is it dark?  Today’s lesson is about driving underground trains – we find that very popular at present.”

 “Yes it’s partly the excitement of the unknown, but possibly more to do with the RMT now that Bob Crow has been made life president – two extra weeks’ holiday each year is a big incentive.”

 “Yes sir, I do understand that industrial action is not part of the curriculum, but your department’s guidelines insist that we expose the children to all aspects of media coverage of their chosen careers..”

 “Next door.  Yes of course Minister….”

 “The poor child who has just vomited was unable to cope with the gravity force of the rotation unit.  We find this happens rather a lot I’m afraid, but if they will insist on enrolling for astronaut training…well we just have to respect their wishes – Your Equality of Opportunity and Human Rights legislation has ensured that, sir.”

 “No sir, it’s true we don’t have too many girls in either the engine drivers or astronaut’s classes.  It’s not that they are not given every opportunity and encouragement…”

 “At this age, sir, we find our girls are often more interested in the pop idol or fashion model career courses, and I have to say we have the same difficulty in reverse.  We recruit very few of the boys to these classes.”

 “Yes, your lordship.  These girls are on the course.  They are taking their lunch break.”

 “You’re absolutely right, sir, they aren’t eating.  We do of course encourage good nutrition, but these girls have their hearts set on their career path and we have to put the children’s wishes first.  We do insist they drink plenty of water, though.

 “The itinerary for this-afternoon is to visit the Formula One racing driver’s track, weather permitting and then a quick tour round the flight simulator followed by a visit to the TV Studio, where Carol Vorderman is giving a talk about how to make money out of just about everything you do.”

 “Maths and English departments?  Why no, sir.  We simply can’t provide the funding any more.”