The Old Hack

In a 1978 interview for the Sunday Times, the late playwright Dennis Potter remarked: "I did not fully understand the dread term 'Terminal Illness' until I saw Heathrow for myself."

Those of us who live in London or travel into the capital from the South on a regular basis cannot help but be aware of the newly completed Terminal Five building.  From a personal perspective, the widening of the M.25 access slip during the construction process probably lost me the equivalent of an entire working week in time spent queuing in traffic because of roadworks, accidents or both.

Collectively, the motoring public must have queued for many decades as well as having paid tens of thousands of pounds in speeding fines imposed by the zealots who decided that during the construction, speed should be restricted to 40mph in the middle of the night (during the day it was impossible to get out of first gear and over 5mph)

Ah - but now the waiting is over, and the great Terminal Five is due to open in March of next year, cutting airport queues and speeding up baggage handling (or so says BA's Chief Executive, Willie Walsh)

The British Airports Authority is now asking for volunteers to test out facilities before the terminal opens to the paying public.  BAA wants to ensure that any glitches are ironed out before the grand opening on 27th March 2008.  In the spirit of British fair play, those who volunteer will be given a free packed lunch and a "goodie bag". 

Presumably, in the light of recent events at British airports, volunteers will be closely screened by MI6 prior to being approved to spend six and a half hours (according to the BBC report) in the new Terminal. 

I'm a fairly frequent flyer, and in spite of an aborted landing and lost luggage in Toronto, thick fog at Paris Charles de Gaulle, heavy security (following the August 2006 terrorism threat) at Nimes and an incredibly thorough interrogation in Miami - I have, until now, not spent longer than four hours in an airport terminal.  What is more, at the end of that interminably boring wait, I have always managed to board a flight, either to my destination or home.  Somehow a packed lunch and goodie bag just doesn't cut the mustard.

Hang on!  I wonder if they will waive the parking fees for the Heathrow volunteers - now that will save them a fortune!  Maybe I will volunteer after all.

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Today's photograph is by Vishnu - see it at picable.com